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Aussie Bogans at Their Best

VickyWongVicky Vortex
Guest Blogger


Once upon a time there was a sheila who lived out in woop woop. Like a shag on a rock, she had no mate because she was a bit of a ratbag. As much as she was as fit as a Mallee bull, she had a face like a dropped pie. The problem was that she had heaps of neck oil and Maccas every day.

However, every Sunday arvo, despite the mozzies, she was super stoked about chucking a barbie in the park wearing her thongs and swimmers; with her esky chockers with tinnies and tucker. One day, a garbo, a fair dinkum bogan went by and asked, “Do you want a root in the dunny?” To which she chucked a wobbly and replied, “Oh you drongo! I’m cheesed off with you yobbos. You’ve got buckley’s chance.” And he explained, “I just wanted a pash, but no wukkin furries, love! Hoo roo!”



Once upon a time there was a woman who lived in the middle of nowhere. She was lonely, and due to her eccentric nature she had no friends. As much as she was strong and fit, she was quite ugly. The problem was that she drank loads of beer and ate McDonald’s every day.

However, every Sunday afternoon, despite the mosquitoes, she would get excited about having a barbeque in the park wearing her flip-flops and swimming costume; with her ice box full of beer and food. One day, a garbage collector, a real redneck went by and asked, “Do you want to have sex in the toilet?” To which she went berserk and replied, “Oh, you idiot! I’m fed up with you rednecks. You’ve got no chance. ” And he explained, “I just wanted a kiss, but no worries, love! See ya!”



Australian SlangEnglish translation
woop woopthe middle of nowhere
a shag on a rocklonely
as fit as a Mallee bullstrong and fit
has face like a dropped pieugly
neck oilbeer
to get stokedto get excited
chucking a barbieputting on a BBQ
thongsflip flops
swimmersswimming costume
eskyice box
chockersfull of
tinniescans of beer
garbogarbage man
fair dinkumgenuine
a rootsex
chucked a wobblywent berserk
to be cheesed offto be fed up
you’ve got buckley’s chanceyou have no chance
a pasha passionate kiss
no wukkin furriesno worries
hoo roo!bye!



Vicky Vortex from Hong Kong left her hometown at the age of 14 to study in Oxford, England before moving to Sydney, Paris, London, Bangkok and Hanoi. She has worked as a journalist at IdN, Lifestyle + Travel, National Geographic, Namaskar, Positive News and the LUXE Guide on Hanoi. She was also a writer for the Peninsula Bangkok. She is currently a high-school teacher in Hong Kong, fulfilling her childhood dream to make it fun for the kids!




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