Tales of the General: The Night Usain Bolt Possessed Me
Every now and then, people ask me what it’s really like being a General Manager of a hotel. They picture me gliding through the lobby like royalty, swirling a long black coffee, nodding sagely at spreadsheets and approving room upgrades with the grace of a benevolent hotel deity.
And yes… occasionally it is like that. But sometimes—sometimes—the universe says, “Let’s spice things up.”
Today’s tale has a tiny hint of chaos, but rest assured: no humans were harmed, no assets were damaged, and the only thing truly injured was my personal dignity.
The Event That Went Too Well
We had just wrapped up a full-venue takeover—a big event, buzzing energy, high stakes, and the kind of night where everyone deserves a medal and a foot massage afterward.
As tradition demands, the survivors—I mean, the team—retreated to the back-of-house bar for the sacred post-event debrief. This ritual involves three things:
1. Celebrating that we are still standing.
2. Exaggerating our heroic achievements.
3. Laughing at the night’s stranger moments (there are always many).
Lights off, venue closed, staff relaxing, spirits high. Bliss.
The Knock of Doom
Then suddenly— Knock knock knock.
We all froze. In hotel life, this is the equivalent of hearing a branch snap in a horror movie.
We turned to see a young woman pressed against the window, dressed for a night out, passionately miming through the glass that we had her bag.
Odd, yet not the strangest thing we’ve ever seen.
Being the hospitable creatures we are (it’s a curse at this point), we gestured that reception was still open and she could head there to retrieve it.
I stepped closer… and that’s when it became clear that this guest was… let’s say: under the influence of some rather exotic recreational enhancements.
And here’s where Past Me sabotaged Present Me.
Because, before I realised her “enhanced” state, I had already mouthed the fatal phrase:
“You can get in through that door over there!”
She heard it. She understood it. And she took off.
The Moment I Became an Athlete
I don’t know what came over me—panic? adrenaline? peer pressure?—but suddenly I was sprinting through the hotel like I was competing for Olympic gold.
I’m talking full speed. Unnecessarily dramatic arm movements. The whole “action hero trying to defuse the bomb” vibe.
I burst into reception, ready to warn the Night Auditor not to let her in…
But alas, she had already made it.
The Surprise Entrance
She darted in with the determination of someone who had decided gravity was optional. In the bright lobby lights, she looked like she had recently completed a triathlon, survived a music festival, and possibly wrestled a sprinkler system.
She started toward a staff-only door—the very one I happened to be behind. She swung it open with confidence usually reserved for people who pay the mortgage.
Then came the moment of contact. Not aggressive, not violent—more like that overly-familiar aunt at Christmas who insists on cupping your cheeks while telling you about her bunion surgery.
She reached out, placing a hand near my collarbone and announcing that everyone in the building owed her money.
Everyone. The entire hotel. Possibly the chairs and lamps too.
At this stage, it was clear she wasn’t entirely sure what galaxy she was visiting.
Exit… Stage Left
Doing my best impression of a calm, collected GM (and not someone who had just run a 100m sprint indoors), I gently guided her back outside with the soothing tone of someone talking to an excitable puppy.
The team contacted the police, and as we stood there watching, she jogged away into the night—vanishing like a mythological creature who appears only to teach hotel managers patience.
End of Story
And that, dear readers, is just another evening in the glamorous life of a General Manager.
Tune in next time for more behind-the-scenes chaos, unexpected sprints, and the ongoing battle between hotel sanity and the general public.
Because at the end of the day, this job is many things… but it is never boring.
Daniel Sprange,
General Manager Ovolo The Valley